Family Stability Seeker Mugs

"I've decided to move back in with my parents."

"A wage increase to match inflation."

Medical student overdrafts...careers in the law.

Separation Anxiety

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

"Relax, grandpa. The quarterback is taking a knee to run out the clock."

Mr. Briggs' Pleasures of Housekeeping, part 1

Do you mind if my mother joins our little business dinner ? You know what it's like, I don't want people from the office to think I'm sleeping my way to the top.

'Having the money tree has really helped out.'

'It's so incredible, getting to discover the little bundle of magic hidden inside.'

A Balanced budget.

'Other than no dognip or an indoor bathroom, I enjoy being a dog.'

'Your wife doesn't understand you. . .'

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

"Despite my best efforts, you're still the man and I'm still the woman."

"I love spending time together as a family. It brings us together. It makes us stronger. It helps us understand each other."

Magic Carpet Cleaning

'You're always taking the fun out of everything!'

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

Looks like I do dishes again.

The Cricket on the Hearth - Title-page to the first edition

Blanket Pull

'4 Jello desserts - and, for the love of God, please make them all the same color.'

'Do you, Edward, promise to play second fiddle and also pay the piper?'

"And just like that, Greg's snoring stopped..."

"Oh, great. ... My Aunt Donna is now on Facebook!"

Theirs and Theirs

'Strategic plan B: we chop down all the office plants and grow vegetables.'

He's our most reliable researcher...highly stable and chemically inert.

'Let's at least give the parabolic mattress a try - the Thompsons swear it saved their marriage.'

"Even after all these years, I still find it very exciting using my vote to cancel out your father's."

Plumbing Co - we repair what your husband fixed.

'I'm glad I don't like spinach because if I liked it I'd eat it and I hate the stuff!'

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'