Family Name Enthusiast Gifts

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

'You never met my father? Never mind, I'm turning into him!'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

What should we do this fine Sunday? I have an idea. Let's spend the day staring at each other and using pet names. Ahem. You affection is making us ill! They're upset, Monkey Bear. You're so handsome. We're trying to eat!

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

John W. Law., John W. Law Jr., Robert Law, Janet Law, Attorneys at Law

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

Family sitting on sofa.

Tom Cruise

Naming that Impala

'I know you can make this project go. That's why I call you 'The Magic Motor'.'

"Sinead?!"

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

"Really? 'Yeller'? That's what you want to name him?"

"The Flying Wallendas at home"

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

Alvin, genealogist extraordinaire, traces his roots back to the first amoeba.

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'My other baby is Mercedes'

What really became of the boy named Sue.

"Son, one day all this will belong to your tax office, your economy-hating environmental wackos and your corrupt political clowns."

"We're callin' 'im Bill, coz he came at the end of the month"

'He looks a bit like both of you.'

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

"Mum, just curious: when you did the family tree, did you research all the way back to our ancestors on Noah's ark?"

Mr Long and Miss Short.

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

'For the sake of convenience everybody just calls me Joe.'

Maternity nurse presenting newborn baby with big nose to father with big nose.