Names Enthusiast Gifts

'It was your idea to call him Christopher Robin!'

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

Washington D.C., Acronym Capital of the World

"His name is James Tom Dave Jon Lee Robert Glenn Joseph Tony Sam Barnes. We didn't want to hurt any relatives' feelings by not naming him after them."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"Yes, you were born into the era of passwords and user-names. . . why do you ask, Mycat_2014?"

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

What should we do this fine Sunday? I have an idea. Let's spend the day staring at each other and using pet names. Ahem. You affection is making us ill! They're upset, Monkey Bear. You're so handsome. We're trying to eat!

"What a coincidence, that's my name, too!"

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

'Lance, what does 'NSFW' stand for?'

Tom Cruise

Naming that Impala

'You failed your Latin exam! But Sweety, it's important to learn Latin: All your friends' names have Latin roots...'

Ovalifolium Longifora

'Then again, who says we can't call it a mangelwurzel?'

What really became of the boy named Sue.

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

"Really? 'Yeller'? That's what you want to name him?"

"Sinead?!"

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'My other baby is Mercedes'

'I know you can make this project go. That's why I call you 'The Magic Motor'.'

"I'm afraid pretty much every esoteric company name is taken so we're left with 'Mugwump', 'Grungydink' or 'Buh'."

"We're callin' 'im Bill, coz he came at the end of the month"

Department of Unrealistic Dividend Earnings: 'We realize it is an unnecessary department but the acronym was just too cool to shut it down.'

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

"She introduces herself as Drosophila Melanogaster, but everyone knows she's just a common fruit fly."

Mr Long and Miss Short.

'I'll know Mr. Right when I see him. Upon marriage, he'll be willing to change his last name to mine.'

'For the sake of convenience everybody just calls me Joe.'