Family Member Who Owns A Dog Gifts

"I'm sure this is an interesting story."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

'I'm not sure which one is the role model.'

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

Dog History

"Honestly, I prefer stick."

'What is it with dogs and the thrill of getting caught?'

'...Basset Hound! Anal sacs!'

"I take it you want to go for a perp walk."

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

"I think that I shall never see a tree on which I wouldn't pee."

'For a minute there I didn't think we were gonna make it tonight!'

'Why do they call it walking the dog?'

"So far, I've taught him to fetch."

"That's impressive, but I asked you to roll over."

'It's a nine-to-five job, but most of it we spend napping.'

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

'Don't wag!'

'The days of rewarding me with mere pats on the head are over.'

'Remember the good old days when he wasn't allowed on the furniture?'

"Very Funny."

"I've no idea what breed he is but he's very loyal."

"Hey. What are you doing to that card?"

Obama's first 100 days in office.

"This silly magazine article says dogs only PRETEND to love us to fulfill deeply ingrained, parasitic survival instincts. Well, they don't know my Skipper, do they?"

Pooper scoppers.

'I love this web TV, and so user friendly.'

'Next please.'

'Stop barking, Winston!'

'Remember, Son, to occasionally take time to stop and pee on the roses.'

"I've trained him to hunt down the remote."