Family Member Who Owns A Dog Pillows

"I'm sure this is an interesting story."

'When he's happy he can cool the entire downstairs.'

'I'm not sure which one is the role model.'

"There's something about ripping the stuffing out of a toy that turns me into a wild dog. I'm afraid I actually like that feeling."

'It says here: while most dogs are family dogs, some dogs like one family member more. Do you think Fritzi is like that?'

"DID YOU SEND THIS?"

'It's slobberin' time!'

"Honestly, I prefer stick."

Dog History

'Sorry. Your accident insurance doesn't cover that kind of incident.'

'What is it with dogs and the thrill of getting caught?'

"I take it you want to go for a perp walk."

'...Basset Hound! Anal sacs!'

"That's impressive, but I asked you to roll over."

'It's a nine-to-five job, but most of it we spend napping.'

'Why do they call it walking the dog?'

'For a minute there I didn't think we were gonna make it tonight!'

"So far, I've taught him to fetch."

"I think that I shall never see a tree on which I wouldn't pee."

'I don't get it. He had the smallest paws in the whole litter.'

'The days of rewarding me with mere pats on the head are over.'

'Don't wag!'

'Honestly, I never know if I'm coming or going.'

Obama's first 100 days in office.

"Very Funny."

"I've no idea what breed he is but he's very loyal."

"Hey. What are you doing to that card?"

'Remember the good old days when he wasn't allowed on the furniture?'

"This silly magazine article says dogs only PRETEND to love us to fulfill deeply ingrained, parasitic survival instincts. Well, they don't know my Skipper, do they?"

Pooper scoppers.

'I love this web TV, and so user friendly.'

'Next please.'

'Stop barking, Winston!'

"My favorite is also 'let sleeping dogs lie'."

'...I'd prefer it if you didn't fetch my iPad.'