Family Medicine Fans Gifts

'When a doctor looks in your ear with that pointy thing- what's he looking for...?'

"I'll tell ya what we don't need is some Dr. Durango helping us with a dang snake bite."

'I used to think I was the only one kids hated... I don't know what I'd do if it weren't for you guys.'

New Age Store.

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

Antihistamine Rally At National Sinus Cavity

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

Prescriptions: "Jack of Clubs?"

'He's the star of a new medical series.'

"Trepanning for gold"

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

An unlicensed acupuncturist

'It was more of a 'triple blind' test. The patients didn't know which ones were getting the real drug, the doctors didn't know, and, I'm afraid nobody knew.'

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'He says he makes house calls, and he'll be over as soon as he gets his horse back from the blacksmith.'

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

"How come we don't start plagues any more? Are we one of those boring couples?"

'It may not be the solution you were looking for, but physician-assisted noogies are the best I can legally go.'

'Talk about temperamental. All I did was suggest he try vinegar and brown paper.'

'It's ironic: I'm a carnivore, but my stomach pains were cured by a herbalist...'

"Please understand, the Queen has thousands of kids. It's not practical to expect her to kiss you all goodnight every night..."

Porcupine Acupuncture

"You shouldn't be so afraid of the dentist."

"I don't feel so good, Tia Carmen."

'There is nothing better for a cold in the head; it's worth gold!'

Faith Healer next to the Emergency Room at a fair.

'Your mouth looks like a little bitty putting green.'

'It's just in from the rainforest, so there may still be some roots and stems in it.'

'He was such a health nut. Died of all natural causes.'

Alert with Ibuprofen

"Something for motion sickness?"

"It's a soluble aspirin you fool!"