Family Medicine Fan Gifts

"I don't feel so good, Tia Carmen."

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"I'll tell ya what we don't need is some Dr. Durango helping us with a dang snake bite."

New Age Store.

'Sorry the doctor is running behind. You can keep today's appointment or I can fit you in tomorrow...whichever comes first.'

'Doctor, how much acupuncture experience DO you have?'

"Our psychopharmacologist is a genius."

'Interesting presentation Bradley, except you were supposed to be discussing the nature of the DOW.'

"I'm sensing a nostalgia for when your mother rubbed butter on them."

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

"Trepanning for gold"

Obstetrics.

'When a doctor looks in your ear with that pointy thing- what's he looking for...?'

Acupuncture - "So two hundred needles stuck into my fags will help me quit smoking, will it?"

Vaccine race

"Here's a list of drug companies in my stock portfolio - could you prescribe something made by one of them?"

An unlicensed acupuncturist

'Since when have they started advertising placebos on TV?'

"I assure you the drug was tested by several mice before they died."

'Pharmaceutical stocks gave the market a real shot in the arm today...'

"Oh, here's the problem. He's got a doohickey on his thingamabob."

'He says he makes house calls, and he'll be over as soon as he gets his horse back from the blacksmith.'

'Can you keep a secret? This particular remedy is illegal in 49 states.'

"Cholesterol medicine commercial, Take 3. This time, try to sound less horrified when you say, 'May cause heart to explode through ears'."

"Take it for excess gas."

'He likes to point out the obvious.'

"If this company can make an herbal soda...there's no reason why I can't make and sell my own too!"

"Well it's not so much an ITCH, more a slight irritation, what could it be?"

"Irritable nation syndrome. What do you have for that?"

Pharmacist to lady: 'I'm juggling your prescriptions as we speak.'

"I forget the name of the product, but the jingle on TV goes something like 'Ya-dee-dum-dee-rah-te-dum-dee-rah-dee-dum.'"

Porcupine Acupuncture

"You shouldn't be so afraid of the dentist."