Family In-joke Creator Pillows

Older cousin press

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

Raised by Dogs

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

MUM! I'll take the dog for a walk!

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

"And try not to spill Daddy's Martini, Caleb."

"Young man! You turn the gravity back on this instant!!"

"You're getting a nanny. We decided to outsource our parenting"

Family Butcher.

'You want to hear me speaking my first word? I don't say anything without my lawyer, mister!'

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

"Honey! What's wrong. . . Mommy get you a band-aid!"

God bless our home equity line of credit.

"Damn it, agree to whatever she demands. No matter what it takes, I want my mommy."

'You're making a marble cake? Did you run out of eggs?'

Mom $50 Pop $35

"Which one of my fiendish offspring defaced the bordelaise recipe with SpongeBob?"

'But, Mom - I am watering the garden just like you told me!'