Family Business Jokester Pillows

"Well son, I can't promise that one day the firm will be yours because I've arranged for me to be continuously cloned!"

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

Raised by Dogs

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

'I AM a magician! When I wake up granddad from his nap, I turn Gramps into Grumps!'