Family Business Jokester Pillows

"Well son, I can't promise that one day the firm will be yours because I've arranged for me to be continuously cloned!"

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

'What the... MOM! This isn't deer! It's a yucky tourist again!!'

Facts of life - The birds and the dogs.

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"Look what I found. Can we keep him?" "Wow! A real pirate!!" "Go ask your mother."

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"I don't know, kids. I've been a stay-at-home dad for so long it just sort of... happened."

Baby sees bottle with math formula marked, 'Baby Formula'.

Rusty, not believing in God, seized his chance...

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

Raised by Dogs

'Stop cracking and hulling his seeds. He's accustomed to working for his food.'

"Just remember if we don't enjoy it we can claim it as a tax-deductible business meeting..."

'Roy! For the last time, don't wave that red one in front of your Dad.'

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

'Ever since I've started showing, my husband has affectionately called me 'Three Humps'...'

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

'Fancy us all being afraid of wasps when there's a WHOLE nest of 'em in my drinks cabinet!'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"Okay, you scared the babysitter...now get back in there and rinse off that toothpaste, and go to bed!"

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Your Message on Your T-Shirt: 'Do As You Are Told!'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'I have a limited vocabulary because I'm a child, what's your excuse?'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

Turn off your car stereo before trying to start your kid's car.

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Get me away from this crazy person..."

'Another balloon animal? And who do you think ends up taking care of these?'

"At home there's a fish, a cat, a dog, me, and a big sister."

"You want to be a comedian? You can't be serious!"