Family Fiasco Fan Gifts

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Family with pets.

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

'She posted her first blog today.'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

A child as a pet substitute.

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

George Washington's sister was always getting him into trouble.

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

"We need to have a serious talk."

"Careful George. You don't want to hurt our baby boy."

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

'My sales training was right. The person in the highest chair is dominant.'

'Quit playing kick ball with your brother!'

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

"Oh -- just scrape it off."

Bears: 'Mummy, mummy can I sleep over at Jessica's this winter.'

"...and then while I was at soccer practice they moved house."

'It's good, Timmy, but it's not refrigerator good.'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

"Daddy can't help you, son. Daddy's a product of the 'me' generation."