Family Affair Fan Gifts

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'She posted her first blog today.'

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

George Washington's sister was always getting him into trouble.

Chekov play and scorecard,

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

"Careful George. You don't want to hurt our baby boy."

'Quit playing kick ball with your brother!'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

"Grandma, I have to bring an antique to school. Can I borrow your flip phone?"

"Friend or foe?"

"Put on a tie. We've been invited to the castle."

'My dad cut it. My mother repaired it. Now, I'm looking for some professional maintainance.'

Freak Family.

"Dad! Woody's taking all the fun out of the Easter egg hunt!"

When a teen finds out his parents are volunteering in the youth group.

Mom - You gave me the best years of your life.

Zombie & Son

"Oh, now I remember you. You live in that big shoe on the corner."

'Ralph finally got the remote control to work - his way.'

"Hi, you are through to the bank of Mum and Dad."

"Somehow, Daniel, you're not as cute as you used to be, and you're beginning to lose our attention."

"...That old fool thinks I'm a stick."

'Dad, can you just drop me off here?'

"Your father forgives the thirty attemps you've made on his life, Oedipus. How does that make you feel?"

"Hey Mom! Has the freezer gone out?"

'That's what you get for reaching in the cookie jar.'