Family Entertainment Fan Gifts

'Apparently I need to lower the dosage of salmon capsules that I'm giving Don and the kids.'

At the market

Suffering from Cooties?

'With these alternative fertility treatments you never quite know how things turn out,'

"And this little piggy went – whoa! Where is your fifth little piggy?!"

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

"Good work Tim, you snatch it all: none of this sharing with your brother nonsense..."

'Why is it taking so long to eat your soup?'

"No, I don't play. I just watch people play on the internet."

"Good news. It wasn't a toxic chemical leak. It was an old pizza in your kid's room."

"You're wasting your time, I'll never understand which one is Liam Hemsworth and which one is Chris Hemsworth."

"'Course I've seen one before...but never one that ate peanuts!"

"Is it 'Measure once, cut twice?' Or 'Cut once, then measure?' Or maybe it's..."

George Washington's sister was always getting him into trouble.

"I'll bet you're very proud of your handsome, well-behaved little sporks here."

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'

'I want you to bring me one.'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"Young man, you go march your butt right back up those stairs and don't come down until you've made yourself look presentable!"

'Jimmie, run and tell your dad the tractor is flooded.'

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

'I take a cold shower every morning... right after my daughters have taken hot ones.'

'Can you read this one for me? I have a book report on it tomorrow.'

"Careful George. You don't want to hurt our baby boy."

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

'Quit playing kick ball with your brother!'

"These are wonderful, precious years before he learns that he's benefitting from institutional racism."

"Grandma, I have to bring an antique to school. Can I borrow your flip phone?"

"Bad Dog!!! You can't trust those chocolate labs."

'Has he been out with your mother by any chance?'

'Mom, was Dad your number one draft choice?'

'Hey, wait a minute!'

'He's allergic to talc! You'll have to give up the baby!'

I'm sorry, ma'am, but there was a mix-up at the hospital, and we think you brought home the wrong husband.