Family Dynamic Expert Gifts

'Dad, can I speak to you, offline, about father son bonding?'

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

"I'm an oldest child trapped in the body of a middle child."

Lady asking her fiance's son if she can be his new mother.

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Some day you'll look back at this and remember me as the person who taught you to fear water."

'It's funny really - when your father's home he hardly ever says a word!'

"She bathes him. She feeds him. She burps him. Mother's a real micromanager."

"Ours will be the first mixed marriage in my family. Dog people NEVER marry cat people."

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"We tried to play nicely, but frankly it's not as much fun as tormenting each other."

"I'm afraid these grades aren't giving me a very satisfying vicarious life."

"We're looking forward to this little bundle of joy bringing out the worst in each of us."

'I'm with my minister father and my senator mom through the week and my senator mom through the week. I'm the ultimate division between Church and State.'

'Who says women don't like chase scenes?'

"It's easy to understand the theory of evolution when you have a brother!"

"Mom, are you going to properly vet the baby before you bring her home from the hospital?"

'Okay, okay - is there anyone OTHER that the bride's mother who objects to this marriage?'

'It's time you learned, son - in-laws and outlaws aren't necessarily opposites.'

"You work for the family business, and I am your father, not the patriarchal oppressor..."

"Oh, you silly girl, you! Don't tell me you brought home another husband."

'Someday, son, 50 of this will belong to your ex-wife,'

"Act your birth order!"

'Life if so much simpler since we called Family Ref.'

'I blame my parents, they never set me any standards worth rebelling against.'

'I try to run my family like a democracy, but what I really need is a line-item veto.'