Family Drama Follower Pillows

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

Can't Touch This

A child as a pet substitute.

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

Book Shop Plot Spoilers

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

"We need to have a serious talk."

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

"I thought we agreed we wouldn't tell your Dad about the Easter Bunny till next year."

"...and then while I was at soccer practice they moved house."

Well, obviously we can't live with my parents

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

"Friend or foe?"

Bears: 'Mummy, mummy can I sleep over at Jessica's this winter.'

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

"You're not the 'Yes Man' you used to be, Smilby."

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

'It's good, Timmy, but it's not refrigerator good.'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

"Daddy can't help you, son. Daddy's a product of the 'me' generation."

Mom's Mortuary

"Here at this firm, we pride ourselves on the family atmosphere we've created. As such, I'd like to welcome you abroad as my long lost love child, Inga."

Audience with the Parent

"What do you mean you don't think I'm the father?!"