Family Drama Enthusiast Pillows

'Ocean view, or would you prefer to watch them fight over the will?'

'Would you like to try our new Family-Style meal deal? While you eat I yell at you to be more like your brother then criticize what you're wearing before saying how much you've disappointed me and your father.'

'You can't just move out and leave me here with your father.'

'If I may be honest, son. I think your firing me has to do with your deep-seated hatred of your father.'

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

"Sure, it's all inherited wealth, but if you knew my parents, you'd say I earned every penny."

'Mother will know if you return it! She had a GPS tracker sewn into the lining.'

"I'm one hundred percent dedicated to helping you blame my parents for our family issues."

"Your mother will criticise you now."

Still Life with Issues

Look, if there was any way I could keep you on I would, Mother

'Billy called me a snob. Did I do right saying I'd see him in court?'

"I've heard a lot about you."

'Who needs exercise when we have daughter-cise?'

Welcome to Dysfunction Corp... We're not a company, we're a family!

"The kids are fine."

"Do you have anything that says, ' You'll be sorry and I told you so. Love your mother'?"

"Aside from telling your daughter, 'I told you so', why are you here, Mrs. Sauer?"

'So you want your sister's love life to be more entertaining for you?'

'Mum says there's gonna be FIREWORKS when Dad gets home!'

"Mother sends her disregards."

"Got things worked out with that new son in law yet?"

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"Oh, Carmensita, the years have not been good to you. I see you've gained a little weight."

'I am so tired of his telling me his mother is a saint!'

"Unlike most children, little Natalie loved it when her parents would fight... Oh, snap! Dad, Mom just called you cheap! Are you just gonna take that?"

"I brought my mother along just to tick you off."

Cross Mom

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Want me to talk to the squirrel's mother, or would you prefer to handle it on your own?"

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"First, the disclaimer: I'm a doctor portraying an actor portraying a doctor."