Family Drama Enthusiasts Pillows

"Your mother and I have seen your report card, and we've decided to distance ourselves from you."

"What do you mean you don't think I'm the father?!"

'I wish we'd had a nuclear family deterrent'.

'I'm afraid Luke didn't hit it off very well with daddy.'

Groom's supporters v Bride's supporters

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

Spider boy

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

"Friend or foe?"

"What am I doing? Just sitting here binge binging."

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

'He's the star of a new medical series.'

"Guess who's going to be on national television apologizing to the American public."

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

'My daughter eloped with a mime...'

"We're from the TV show, Gadget Hoarders. You're so bad, we're doing a two-hour special on you."

"...That old fool thinks I'm a stick."

'The actress who kept her clothes on in a TV drama.'

'Would you like to try our new Family-Style meal deal? While you eat I yell at you to be more like your brother then criticize what you're wearing before saying how much you've disappointed me and your father.'

"Your father forgives the thirty attemps you've made on his life, Oedipus. How does that make you feel?"

"Holiday time around our house is a nightmare."

'Do it again.'

"Got things worked out with that new son in law yet?"

Proud parent praise their child

Grim Reaper watching the Lifetime Channel.

'Ocean view, or would you prefer to watch them fight over the will?'

'Your doctor was given some great tickets to the football game, so I'll be standing in for him. Don't worry, I'm an actor who plays a doctor on TV.'