Family Drama Enthusiasts Pillows

"Your mother and I have seen your report card, and we've decided to distance ourselves from you."

"What do you mean you don't think I'm the father?!"

'I wish we'd had a nuclear family deterrent'.

'I'm afraid Luke didn't hit it off very well with daddy.'

Groom's supporters v Bride's supporters

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"Remember this about new babysitters - making rules and enforcing them are two different things.".

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

Spider boy

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

"What am I doing? Just sitting here binge binging."

"Guess who's going to be on national television apologizing to the American public."

"My homework? It was super easy today. I drew a dragon and daddy did Math."

'He's the star of a new medical series.'

'You've had a bad day? Try being stuck in this house!'

"Friend or foe?"

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

'Yes, I'm proud to say all my kids went into boot camp as soon as they left home.'

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'My daughter eloped with a mime...'

"Here at this firm, we pride ourselves on the family atmosphere we've created. As such, I'd like to welcome you abroad as my long lost love child, Inga."

"We're from the TV show, Gadget Hoarders. You're so bad, we're doing a two-hour special on you."

"...That old fool thinks I'm a stick."

'The actress who kept her clothes on in a TV drama.'

'Would you like to try our new Family-Style meal deal? While you eat I yell at you to be more like your brother then criticize what you're wearing before saying how much you've disappointed me and your father.'

"Your father forgives the thirty attemps you've made on his life, Oedipus. How does that make you feel?"

"Got things worked out with that new son in law yet?"

Proud parent praise their child

'Do it again.'

Grim Reaper watching the Lifetime Channel.