Family Drama Fanatic Pillows

"I once had sex with a chicken and I was wondering if you were my son."

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

'She posted her first blog today.'

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

Bribery and Corruption.

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

"Grandma, I have to bring an antique to school. Can I borrow your flip phone?"

"Friend or foe?"

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'My dad cut it. My mother repaired it. Now, I'm looking for some professional maintainance.'

'My daughter eloped with a mime...'

"What do you mean you don't think I'm the father?!"

Master of the house states that he will be detained in the city on business when he learns that there is cold mutton for dinner.

'Safe!'

Levitation Man Avoids Angry Husband.

"Your mother and I have seen your report card, and we've decided to distance ourselves from you."

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

"Will you shut up about world domination and just make the damn coffee."

"I have gathered you all here tonight to finally reveal which one of you killed Professor Sturm!"

'Ralph finally got the remote control to work - his way.'

"...That old fool thinks I'm a stick."

'Fine thanks, and how are things with you?'

"Hi, you are through to the bank of Mum and Dad."

Zombie & Son

'Would you like to try our new Family-Style meal deal? While you eat I yell at you to be more like your brother then criticize what you're wearing before saying how much you've disappointed me and your father.'