Family Drama Fanatic Pillows

"I once had sex with a chicken and I was wondering if you were my son."

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

'She posted her first blog today.'

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"It's wonderful to be away from the rat race. So, what happened on 'CSI: Miami' last night?"

'Since we're being so honest, perhaps I should mention that I liked you better as an egg.'

'Honey, the babysitter's here.'

"I'm afraid Dad did not leave us anything of value in his will, but his last wish is for us to continue the feud with the neighbour's cat...

Bribery and Corruption.

"Take it easy, honey. Beneath that terrifying rage is our twelve-year-old daughter. My GOD, when will the wi-fi go back on?!!"

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

"Grandma, I have to bring an antique to school. Can I borrow your flip phone?"

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

"Friend or foe?"

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

"Here at this firm, we pride ourselves on the family atmosphere we've created. As such, I'd like to welcome you abroad as my long lost love child, Inga."

'Safe!'

Master of the house states that he will be detained in the city on business when he learns that there is cold mutton for dinner.

'My daughter eloped with a mime...'

"What do you mean you don't think I'm the father?!"

Levitation Man Avoids Angry Husband.

'My dad cut it. My mother repaired it. Now, I'm looking for some professional maintainance.'

"Your mother and I have seen your report card, and we've decided to distance ourselves from you."

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

'Ralph finally got the remote control to work - his way.'

'Fine thanks, and how are things with you?'

"I have my very own ATM password."

"Hi, you are through to the bank of Mum and Dad."

Zombie & Son

"...That old fool thinks I'm a stick."

"I know that everything reminds you of 'Frozen', but you've just got to let it go."

"I have gathered you all here tonight to finally reveal which one of you killed Professor Sturm!"

"Will you shut up about world domination and just make the damn coffee."