Family Drama Follower Gifts

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"I thought it would be nice if we had a forum where we could get together and have screaming tantrums."

Can't Touch This

"My wife thought the phrase 'stick it to the man' meant everyone, hence we're divorced. My new girlfriend and I met at a party. She's krazy, man. We bonded right away and now she's pregnant. It's a squeeze top. My brother's in rehab for sniffing. He never could get his nose out of my business."

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

Book Shop Plot Spoilers

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

A child as a pet substitute.

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

"Could you please downgrade this to a C? High expectations bring out the worst in my parents."

'So, you're an organ-grinder's monkey? A professional beggar? Is that how you intend to support my daughter?'

"We need to have a serious talk."

'You are right, honey, it's raining too much. It's not the best day to visit my mom.'

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

'When are you going to give up this 9 to 5 nonsense and become a rock star like your brother?'

'Yoy know perfectly well WHICH corner, Jamie!'

"...and then while I was at soccer practice they moved house."

"You're not the 'Yes Man' you used to be, Smilby."

"...And to my favorite 'Mr. Down On His Luck' relative, I leave all my spare change."

Bears: 'Mummy, mummy can I sleep over at Jessica's this winter.'

'I'm leaving my wife because of another woman. Her mother.'

"Friend or foe?"

"I see you attending a family reunion, where things get quite heated."

'It's good, Timmy, but it's not refrigerator good.'

'I want to thank my biological and surrogate Mother, my two Dads.. .'

"Daddy can't help you, son. Daddy's a product of the 'me' generation."

Mom's Mortuary

'I love all of your brothers and sisters, but you're my favorite.'

"What do you mean you don't think I'm the father?!"