Relationship Drama Follower Gifts

"And as you can see, my beautiful assistant has disappeared...months ago...with my brother."

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"I can't believe he brought her."

Can't Touch This

Andy Oxidant meets Free Radical.

'The trouble with Nigel is that he's so changeable. One minute I love him and the next minute I loathe him.'

'You can't keep rescuing him. If he really wants help, book him an appointment.'

"You're not the 'Yes Man' you used to be, Smilby."

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

'You're watching the stock market wayyy too closely.'

'Before you say anything, just let me change my Facebook status to ‘it's complicated'.'

'What a surprise,darling - a squatter!'

"Well, darn, Ted, I just can't stay mad at you."

"Don't walk away from me while I'm not paying any attention to you."

'Humans are so strange ... they think eating crow is humiliating.'

"I haven't finished saying no yet."

Quirk of Evolution favouring the female of the species.

"His last words were, 'before I die, I must confess I've been unfaithful'. Then I shot him."

'Phil and I have kissed and made up.'

"The worst part is she was sleeping with the guy she had paid to kill me."

"Frank here used to teach high school physiology, so if you value your Zygomatic arch or your Alveolar margins, you'll start talking."

'And now for the second opinion.'

'Okay, I'll wake you if there's a car chase.'

"Did you say something?" "That was last night!"

Wot's the row up the Court, Bill? Bob Smith was kissing my wife, and 'is old woman caught him.

'You can call it oral tradition if you want to, but I still say it's gossip!'

'I asked him if he had any security and he said social security!'

"Isn't this romantic—just the two of us by a fire as it consumes every letter from that tramp you almost married?"

'Before and after a hair replacement treatment.'

'I put the bins out.' - 'Hold on, I just need to finish a really important e-mail.' - '*whine*' - 'Okay, okay! Who's a good boy, then?!' - 'Me! I am!'

'I don't deserve you? Listen, NOBODY deserves you!'

"Can't you do ANYTHING right?"