Digital Drama Follower Gifts

'You have entered the wrong password. Please hold while we transfer you to klutz support.'

"I'm voting for Stephen because I cannot stand Katie's mother, she is so catty! Anyway-- how're your parents doing with the divorce?"

'Every TV show seems to have a lucrative phone-in competition these days.'

"You're not the 'Yes Man' you used to be, Smilby."

'He's not a Super Influencer, he's a very naughty boy!'

"Yes, tech support? My laptop was really slow, so I shot it – what should I do now?"

'You're watching the stock market wayyy too closely.'

"It was a typical 'His lawyer said/Her lawyer said' situation."

"I'm so sorry, there is nothing I can do for him anymore...he must have been offline for at least 10 hours..."

My name is Bob and my laptop crashed! Tech Support Groups.

"What's that?" "I hit the icon marked 'worst case senario'."

"It's not you, it's me – I automatically updated overnight and we're no longer compatible."

He's just discovereed that our £450,000 blog rebuttal campaign was directed against a 12 year old in swindon using his mum's computer.

"Oh dear, it seems your file has been routinely destroyed."

"Who should I call first: 911 or technical support?"

How are we doing? Go to our website to rate your rescue.

"Frank here used to teach high school physiology, so if you value your Zygomatic arch or your Alveolar margins, you'll start talking."

"Stop! Someone's texting!!!"

"Sorry, honey. Did we wake you with our weeping and gnashing of teeth?"

'That's a male-pattern bald-faced untruth.'

Although it would take a lot of hard work and years of therapy, hardcore gaming couple Jim and Anita would eventually get past Jim's infidelity,

A Girl's Guide to using a Mobile Phone

"Honey, I forgot my password hint answer. Which plague did my mother compare you to?"

'Let's just say you've unfriended the wrong person!'

"And as you can see, my beautiful assistant has disappeared...months ago...with my brother."

'At least I leave with the knowledge I did it all my way.'

What is it about BBC One's reboot of Poldark which attracts so many viewers?"

'Follow me, tweet me, poke me, link-me-in and treat me like the textual deviant I am.'

"Describing it as a life-changing experience that will haunt you for years to come may be a little dramatic. After all, our Internet was only down for an hour."

"My boyfriend is lazy, cheap and a total control freak...but I never say anything bad about him."

"You've been sending steamy e-mails to that woman in Florida again!"

You're always chastising Rudy for using the web, yet here you are. How do you explain yourself? Something magical happened. I saw a small child break into tears at this computer and run away. I came to see what happened. That's when I discovered it. The comments section beneath a news article. A wonderland of mockery, bitterness and good old-fashioned blood feuds. Is that Sadie hugging that computer? Let's talk about something else.

'This says anger spreads faster than positive emotions on the Internet.'

'Really Newt?! A******* Chevrolet?!?!'

'He wants custody of the Twitter followers.'