Family Court Navigators T-Shirts

'Show me the money!'

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

'sugar and spice my eye.'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"I'm Mr. Trump's attorney and this is my attorney. Once his attorney arrives, we can begin."

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

"Wet wipe?"

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"

'Jeremy, why can't we talk instead of you bottling things up all the time?'

"The penalty for bigamy? Two mothers-in-law..."

'Inform him I dislike it when he uses the dog to communicate.'