Family Court Navigator T-Shirts

"Your wife gets custody of the children."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"I'm taking 'moving back in with the parents' studies."

'sugar and spice my eye.'

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

'With my degree in law and in physics, I hope to create resonable doubt.'

"I'm Mr. Trump's attorney and this is my attorney. Once his attorney arrives, we can begin."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

'officially, I'm on leave, but I'm really just ducking the media.'

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

"Wet wipe?"

'Do you realize that I spend more time out than I do in?'

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

Kids go to school and mom goes to the psychiatric clinic.

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

"I'm sorry, Tom... but you don't Chronic Fatigue Syndrome if it only when you're going to see your inlaws."

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

'I'm afraid your child support payments will be quite substantial.'

"No, we're not there yet because your father refuses to ask for directions!"