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'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

'Honest Dad! All I said was school holidays!'

'My room's in a terrible state - Mum's just cleaned it!'

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

'You've got to fight! You've got to want to get well!'

'Good lord, Mary! How many tranquilizers did you take?!'

Sarah suddenly remembers how much she hates carpool

"Well, I live in a pigsty, so, unlike you, I don't really notice much change when my kids become teenagers..."

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

'She might prefer the low-carb alternative...or any alternative.'

'How many kids do we have now,Mabel?'

Desperate Househusbands: 'Help! My wife left me with the kids for two minutes while she ran to the store. Help!'

'Hey, Max... Want me to show you how to make water balloons?'

'Mom, guess what?!'

'Gee...'

Dad reaching into medicine cupboard

The Holidays

Reason #149 for making sure the whole family wears seat belts: It helps keep the kids quiet.

"I'm letting them soak. I'll wash them later."

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

Why is your two-year old so quiet?

Uncle lacking the 'aquired taste' for children

"Can you please be quiet for a few minutes?"

"Has anyone seen my half-chewed-up piece of dehydrated squirrel carcass?"

"I dislike you both the same."

"I've been a mess since Jake left for college, so now we have a boy who comes in a couple of times a week to leave wet towels all over and challenge everything I say."

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

The Family Joules: Part 16

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Family with pets.

"I need to know who started it."

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"Everyone says she has the clutter of someone twice her age."

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."