Family Chaos Explorer T-Shirts

'Dad, help! The cleaner just quit!'

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

'Ahhh...'

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

'I didn't dedicate my book, A Lifetime of Wine Tasting, to my 3 ex-wives and nine kids, because they made it possible. I did it because they made it necessary.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

The Family Joules: Part 16

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

"Darling... I think the Baby's been eating the fridge magnets again."

"I need to know who started it."

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Family with pets.

"Hi, I'm Pop!"

A kangeroo and it's baby read books about understanding each other.

'I demand a DNA test.'

"Dear? The toothpaste is on the top shelf. Don't touch the tube on the bottom shelf, that's Grandma's triple strength epoxy denture adhesive."

"Papa Bear was too much, Mama Bear wasn't enough, and I always had to be just right."

'Dad, when do I stop being a wholly owned subsidy of you and Mom?'

"Having nannies really changes you."

He wanted a different one.

"I couldn't possibly lick another baby right now."

"If I ever start turning into my father do me a favor and don't turn into my mother."

'How do you know I won't shrink if I didn't come with a washing instructions tag?'

"If you really loved me you wouldn't have called me Euthanasia!"

"I fell in the mud again. Maybe I need a stunt double."

'She knew we'd try to talk her-out of it.'

'Dad won't buy me a puppy, so I'm teaching him to bark!'

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

'Hey, Mom, here comes Frankie's tailor!'

"She just asked me if she could have a few friends in to watch the International Horse Show."

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

'It may not be your feng shui, but it's my feng shui.'

"Mom, Dad, this is Kevin, our new ombudsman."