Fake Flora Fans Gifts

Cull people who like plastic plants.

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"Would it kill you to give me a hug?"

"I'll race you to the top."

Flower sniffer

'He may have green fingers, but he's got dirty finger nails!'

Welcome to Kew Gardens

'You're putting coffee grounds in the plants again, aren't you?'

"Sorry, but you need at least a Masters to get into the Deep Woods."

In the houseplant cemetery.

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

The Abbe- For Beardsley's Story 'Under the Hill'

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

"Is this one a flower or a weed? I'm not sure whether to admire it or not."

Wallpaper over a door.

I'm no longer allergic to flowers!

'I've decided to go straight!'

"You must be the new guy!"

'There, there, Dear. A poinsettia's for Christmas, not for life.'

Seed packet reads: EASY GROW JAPANESE KNOTWEED

Yogic Flier / Flymo

Woman at a flower shop with a sign in background 'Fresh Flowers' as a daisy grabs a woman's big breasts.

"When did you first realise people were abusing you?"

'Nothing too loud-she's a librarian.'

Venus Fly Trap Hat

"I've replanted the hanging basket with flowers that'll survive the coming winter. . .They're plastic."

"Don't bother. Everything is artificial."

'I thought she'd never stop talking!'

'It's my mantra.'

'I got a bouquet of forget-me-nots from what's-his-name.'

Cabbage, Lettuce, Beard.

'I like a woman with a curvy figure.'

'If you pretend to water these fake flowers they'll last longer.'