Fake Flora Fans Gifts

Cull people who like plastic plants.

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"Would it kill you to give me a hug?"

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"Did I show you my new climbing hydrangea plants, Mr. Fessler?... Mr. Fessler?"

"I'll race you to the top."

'He may have green fingers, but he's got dirty finger nails!'

Flower sniffer

"Sorry, but you need at least a Masters to get into the Deep Woods."

In the houseplant cemetery.

Welcome to Kew Gardens

'You're putting coffee grounds in the plants again, aren't you?'

"You're not supposed to answer her when she talks to us."

The Abbe- For Beardsley's Story 'Under the Hill'

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

"Is this one a flower or a weed? I'm not sure whether to admire it or not."

'I've decided to go straight!'

Wallpaper over a door.

"You must be the new guy!"

I'm no longer allergic to flowers!

'There, there, Dear. A poinsettia's for Christmas, not for life.'

Seed packet reads: EASY GROW JAPANESE KNOTWEED

Yogic Flier / Flymo

'Nothing too loud-she's a librarian.'

Woman at a flower shop with a sign in background 'Fresh Flowers' as a daisy grabs a woman's big breasts.

"When did you first realise people were abusing you?"

'Honey have you seen my Viagra'

Venus Fly Trap Hat

"I've replanted the hanging basket with flowers that'll survive the coming winter. . .They're plastic."

'I thought she'd never stop talking!'

'It's my mantra.'

"Don't bother. Everything is artificial."

'I got a bouquet of forget-me-nots from what's-his-name.'

Cabbage, Lettuce, Beard.

'Uh, Liz. That plant isn't getting any faker.'