Fake Plant Enthusiast Gifts

"Don't bother. Everything is artificial."

'You wouldn't happen to be sitting on my entry to the straightest runner bean competition?'

Water the hydrangeas twice a week and trim as needed. The bromeliad only needs to be high-fived on Saturday, but you can give it high and low fives anytime you have a spare moment. Just, whatever you do, don't give it a "too slow" or it will turn inward and begin shutting down.

Bonsai tree held up by matchstick

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

Garden seeds - giant varieties

'Boy, plastic flowers these days are so lifelike: I've been fooled again...'

Florist delivers Cactus to Man on Bed of Nails

"Yes, sir, it's Houstonia Michauxii and it prefers shade or semi-shade."

'What kind of bulbs did you put in here?'

"I dread these W.I. meetings

Cactus Man.

"Aren't those dead flowers fake?"

'I tried to tell him I didn't think it was a tomato.'

Three Circles of Gardener's Hell.

"Don't worry, the pain will stop once everything goes numb."

'She looks good because it's not natural. It's all plastic.'

A Cactus warning His friends to put their branches up while a Human passes by.

'Say when.'

'Try to remember what it said on the packet.'

Bathing Flowers.

"I see you've laid out your garden."

Come a little closer my dear feathered friend.

Woman's flowerpot is a small jungle with a little tribes person.

Attend to wall climbers...clear out exhausted annuals.

the spitting cactus...

Undignified Exits of the Plant World

'It started off as a hobby. Then it became an obsession. Finally, one day she went in there and hasn't been heard from since.'

"I'm sorry, but your bonsai triffid will have to go."

'I think one of us must be a plant.'

'It appears you have dry scalp.'

Growing seed packets

Cull people who like plastic plants.

"Peweeew! Drop your arms, please. Your arm pits are foul."

'Uh, Liz. That plant isn't getting any faker.'