Faithful Fairway Player Gifts

'The minister asked where you were, and I had to tell him you were golfing. He said he would pray for you and for your return to the flock.'

Golfing Bishop.

'I won't be coming to church any more, Reverend -- I've decided to convert to golf.'

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

'The water hazard holds little fear for Jesus.'

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

"Oh no, it's gone in that silly little hole again."

Club House. An eighty dollar green fee! -- I haven't even teed-off yet and I'm already in the hole!

Monks play conkers with crucifix

"Eric, this is your father, mister Trump." "You must have the wrong number. I'm Mortimer Park."

Tee for Two!

"Extremely Minature Golf." They're playing golf down there today. A chlorophyll molecule is collecting green fees and some H2O molecules are a water hazard. The adrenaline group seems to have gotten a burst of energy -- They're playing through the slower groups in front of them. I see the electron is good, always a negative score. And the nucleus is a solid player, every shot is hit right down the center. But nobody can match the DNA's consistency --- He's able to perfectly replicate his s

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

'Whenever Ralph finds a golf ball he puts it in the basement.'

"I think I see your problem...You're standing too close to the ball"

Golfers lost on the road

I warned you to keep it low!

'I don't know what these things are, but Master spends a lot of time away from the house with them...'

"Not just Sundays, I think it's a sin for you to play any day!"

'What a divot?'

'Did you see a ball come this way?'

Golf

'Thanks, but I know all about the Dogs of the Dow. My problem is I end up with them, instead of starting.'

'My name is John and I'm a golfaholic!'

"Well. First of all, your stance is a little wide."

'We're looking for missionaries to cover the golf courses and shopping malls.'

"I'd rather be golfing...and I am."

"Mind if we play through?"

'It's a nice course. I just wish it wasn't so close to the airport.'

This Sportsman is 'Playing Through the Green'.

You are not permitted to accept physical assistance when playing your shots...

'As soon as the ball reaches the green, I swoop down and steal it: I just love the look on their faces!'

Paul Lawrie