Faith Healer Humorist Gifts

"If you do nothing, your bones will take 42 days to heal. But, if you pray, it will take just 6 weeks!"

Self help acupuncture

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

"It does have a side effect. You'll faint when I tell you how much it will cost to produce."

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Man is stopped from entering doctor's surgery by a receptionist dressed as a bouncer.

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"The first one's just a warning."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"The tests confirms you have short-term memory loss."

Cardiac Recovery.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"Wait 'til my Dad hears about this!"

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

"That's an awfully large small intestine and an awfully small large intestine."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

At the 2021 Religious Games

MEDICAL SCHOOL, 'I didn't know you COULD specialize in insurance.'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'Believe me, Mr, Hart, Laughter really is the best medicine,'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"Well, that certainly killed my buzz."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

Virtual Doctor

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'I'm sorry. It looks like your insurance company doesn't cover pre-existing life.'

'Hah! The joke's on you — I already thought up a second opinion!'