Fairway Frustration Gifts

'Do I take it that you will not be requiring my services on the back nine?'

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

Golfing Bishop.

Do you want to win the game or my business?

'Lost your ball again?' - 'No, I've got my ball. I've lost my club.'

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

"Getting the ball in the hole on the first swing is good isn't it?"

'No,silly-I asked for a sand WEDGE!'

"So is that a slice of a hook? I never know which is which."

"On the weekend I finally beat the club pro...so I don't need you anymore!"

'Yes, Mr. Osborne, this is an intervention. Your family had no other choice. Golf is an illness...'

"Oh no, it's gone in that silly little hole again."

'You've never played golf before, have you?'

Tee for Two!

'I read that the ball is on the surface of the club for just 0.00035 of a second, so even when you take 100 shots to go around, you are only getting less than 1 second of golf for your money...'

'You had a 9 on one, a 7 on two, a 10 on three, a 23 on four...that hurt...'

'This has to be the longest course I've ever played!' (Sign with Gas/Food/Lodging Next Tee)

I warned you to keep it low!

Golfers lost on the road

"I think I see your problem...You're standing too close to the ball"

'Well done, Evan; you only missed a hole-in-one by 7 strokes.'

'I don't know what these things are, but Master spends a lot of time away from the house with them...'

'Whenever Ralph finds a golf ball he puts it in the basement.'

'This course is a great ego builder.'

'Did you see a ball come this way?'

'My ball would be on the green if you hadn't been in the way!'

'What a divot?'

Golf

'Thanks, but I know all about the Dogs of the Dow. My problem is I end up with them, instead of starting.'

'My name is John and I'm a golfaholic!'

You are not permitted to accept physical assistance when playing your shots...