Fabric Fixer Pillows

Stitches.

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

Waiting for Pants

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

"She does this when she's tired."

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

DIY.

Super glue . . .

"I bit someone once, but It was just to establish credibility."

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

Irritable dowel syndrome

'Bob will be with you in a moment. He's cleaning the filter to the wine-aroma-judging-device attached to his face.'

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Nobody new the identity of the mad bandager

"It ain't pretty. You got a bad flap-valve leak, and your tenor drones are all gunked up. It'll be a week at least, IF I can get the parts. I do got a loaner, but she ain't much."

Unfinished Furniture.

'Agreed then? Your boy takes a dive in the fifth...'

"Dad, I'll assemble yours if you assemble mine."

Young Roger Penrose: 'Dad, I want to become a floor tiler.'

'Hello, Biggo Farm Equipment? How much longer is it going to take to get my manure spreader fixed?'

'They can be a real menace at this time of year.'

Cat scratching chair. Chair falls on cat.

Nature's revenge