Fashion Fixers Pillows

'I don't need to go on a diet. All I need is a bigger pair of pants.'

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

Waiting for Pants

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

"Whoa. There's a huge crack down here." "Tell me about it."

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

Delivering red ink to the Berueu of Management and Budget.

'I knew there was part of the pattern missing!'

"She does this when she's tired."

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

DIY.

Super glue . . .

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

"I can't find the instructions."

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

Irritable dowel syndrome

"Get back here and clean out your desk."

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'

Nobody new the identity of the mad bandager