Eyebrow Comedian Gifts

'Just a little off the top. Of my eyebrows.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

'All those in doubt, raise your eyebrows.'

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

"Our Big Hairy Audacious Goal is balding."

'Straight eye for the queer guy.'

"I'll check and see if he's available."

'Does this mean you won't be coming back on Monday?'

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

'I load on the job all the time so I figure it's not really 'earned' income.'

You heard right - one large cheese pizza, and tell the driver to take it out of the box and leave it in the yard,

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

"Harvey's staying with shoulders."

Time to trim the eyebrows!

Funeral for a Cartoonist

Keister Island

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

I'm not retired yet...I'm just practicing.

"Well, this anti-aging cream clearly states it removes crow's feet."

'You always have an excuse when it's your turn to buy the drinks.'

Carl, his mustache, Jerald, and his eyebrows, Leonard and Reggie.

"Have you read the 'head lines?"

Pick your own fruit - Pick your own nose

Uri Geller's cutlery drawer. All of the spoons in the drawer a bent.

How long have I been wearing these? Ever since the day I tried to date that submarine.

"Your lives will continue to stink until you find your center."

"Well Mr. Bisley, your test results are off the scale. . !"

Boxer with glasses.

"OK so - this might sound kinda crazy - but what do you think of me peeing on you?"

"Oh man, I knew I shouldn't have nibbled those mushrooms."

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

Clown Cowboy:'DRAW!'