Eye Checkup Pillows

'No thanks. I'm just squinting...'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

Hospital Departments

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"All other letters have been disallowed."

'When are you going to admit you need glasses?'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

'That reminds me - your hospital appointment is next week.'

"Ok, now can you read this text from my ex-wife? Because I'm scared to."

A footballer is having an eye test.

"I'm a shadow of my former self."

Oculist.

"Good news. You're not ready for a kick-the-bucket list."

"I'm afraid you're developing Guac-loma in

"You should find your eyesight improving once you remove the false eyelashes."

Drinking Conversion Chart

'Wait! Let me clip my nails first.'

',,,and she had the nerve to say I needed new glasses,'

'Now cover the other eye & read the same line.'

"P.A.Y.F.O.R.Y.O.U.R.G.L.A.S.S.E.S."

"Since you're a lawyer, it will be a bar exam."

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."