Vision Check-up Pillows

Hospital Departments

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

I'm trying to read your test results from urology, but their server can only stream them a little bit at a time.

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

"I haven't lost any weight after two weeks of dieting, but my hair's getting thinner."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

"All other letters have been disallowed."

Turn your head and laugh.

"The cape comes off too."

'When are you going to admit you need glasses?'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

Musical Eye Test

'Great news, Methuselah Tests show you'll live to be 100!'

Prostate Exam Second Opinion

'No thanks. I'm just squinting...'

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

"You're flying a little bit right now, aren't you?"

"I didn't even get a balloon."

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

Optician: 'I can't seem to switch off.'