Eye Check-up Pillows

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"All other letters have been disallowed."

Hospital Departments

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'When are you going to admit you need glasses?'

"I try to 'go with the flow' doc, but my prostate is an unwilling participant!"

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'No thanks. I'm just squinting...'

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'

"I didn't even get a balloon."

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

'That reminds me - your hospital appointment is next week.'

"Ok, now can you read this text from my ex-wife? Because I'm scared to."

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

'Try not to think about your car-parking charges.'

'Your heart is slightly larger but that's because you're an animal lover.'

"Good news. You're not ready for a kick-the-bucket list."

"I'm a shadow of my former self."

Medical Exam

"You should find your eyesight improving once you remove the false eyelashes."

"The doctor will see you now, warts and all."

"I'm afraid you're developing Guac-loma in

'Wait! Let me clip my nails first.'

Oculist.

Drinking Conversion Chart