Eye Checkup Gifts

'No thanks. I'm just squinting...'

'The doctor's gonna have to wire your mouth shut for a month... but guess what! If you're brave, I'll give you this lollipop when he's done!'

'Reflexes seem normal. You kept him waiting over two hours.'

"The doctor thinks I need a hearing something or other."

'He licked all my tongue depressors.'

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

Hospital Departments

"All other letters have been disallowed."

"Looks like you've been renewed fro one more season."

'When are you going to admit you need glasses?'

NHS/Private Eye Care.

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'It's not my fault that I've developed habits that cannot be sustained.'

'Everyone keeps telling me I need my eyes checked, so here I am!'

"You've got bunions, hammertoes and plantar fasciitis. Bad feet must run in your family." "Nobody runs in my family."

"I didn't even get a balloon."

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

Patient sees smiling doctor and mean-looking doctor: 'Oh, I get it ? it's the old good cholesterol/bad cholesterol routine.'

'That reminds me - your hospital appointment is next week.'

"Well, there's nothing wrong with his lungs anyway."

"Ok, now can you read this text from my ex-wife? Because I'm scared to."

"I'm a shadow of my former self."

"Good news. You're not ready for a kick-the-bucket list."

Oculist.

"You should find your eyesight improving once you remove the false eyelashes."

'Wait! Let me clip my nails first.'

Drinking Conversion Chart

"I'm afraid you're developing Guac-loma in

A footballer is having an eye test.

',,,and she had the nerve to say I needed new glasses,'

'Now cover the other eye & read the same line.'

"Since you're a lawyer, it will be a bar exam."

"You need to see a specialer. They're like specialists, but less so."

"P.A.Y.F.O.R.Y.O.U.R.G.L.A.S.S.E.S."