Extinction Buff Gifts

"Just great. These humans bring us back from extinction just in time for another global climate catastrophe."

"Think about it: State-of-the-art tar preservation! And then, when we eventually find a cure for this extinction thing, there YOU are! On the ground floor!"

1599: Shakespeare's Agent knew what the public wanted

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

How am I abducting?

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

Aliens with abducted person look at a suggestion box.

Apocalypse Research Center

'Typical man - why can't he just ask for directions?'

Early accounting scandals.

'Well, somebody on this stupid little planet ordered an extra-large with pepperoni and mushrooms!'

'Humans do it, why couldn't we? Instead of chasing food, we could breed it: It's all explained in my report...'

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

"Something will fall down from the sky and it will be the end of the world - just because you didn't eat all of your carrion for lunch, my boy!"

Hysterically laughing monster.

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

What Sisyphus Learned: "When life gets rough, you sure find out who your friends are!"

"Some dinosaurs died out more quickly than others" "You want some?"

Geekasaurus.

"What asteroid?"

'If you think using a stick is evolutionary, wait till you try one these dipped in chocolate.'

'Spot of bother Noah - one of the Mastodons doesn't fancy the partner you've picked for him.'

"Finish your anchovies and then you can evolve."

Hunter-Gatherer, Agriculture, Services, Tech. . . Job-Hunter-Gatherer.

"Earth, you'll need our standard Roswell cover"

"Tell me about a time you identified a problem that others didn't see coming."

"They call you Abominable and me a monster, and they don't even know us."

"I decided to go on land after I got the sneaker deal."

Alien spaceship gets tangled in a kite.

"The sideburns really do nothing for me!"

"Great! The world ended and I slept right through it!"

"Professor, just how long did you say that evolution thing takes?"

"Phil, you've done a terrific job of reinventing yourself...but we see here you're still just patent pending."