Expense Expert Gifts

'Sorry to trouble you , sir , but did you remember to sign my expenses ?'

I'm working on my expense report. Carpe per diem!

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"Expense account or regular?"

'What wine goes with enormous expense account?.'

'Take a letter,'

Bookkeeping Club

'What did the fund manager say to the investment advisor?'

'I barely have time to flaunt my expense account.'

"About your self employed expenses, do you do anything purely for pleasure?"

"Unfortunately as the law stands at the moment 13 pints and a curry because you had a crap day isn't tax deductible!"

'What wine goes with an enormous expense account?'

'I expect a little padding in the expense account, but yours is a kingsize mattress!'

'How come you're questioning my petrol bill?'

'I want to give two weeks' notice that I'm quitting my job and two months' notice that I'm quitting my expense account.'

"Son, can you spare a couple of minutes to talk about your tuition?"

"What else can I claim on my expense account?"

Rudy, we're going to have to cut expenses. We already did that, boss. I don't think you're clear on the concept, minion. It's a way of life. Did you read one book and then never read again? Did you listen to one song and then never listen to another again? Did you kiss someone once and then never again? Cutting expenses isn't something you do just once. A good businessman cuts expenses constantly. Whether he needs to or not. You trim the fat. When you run out of fat, you trim the nerves and the

'The boys in accounting used to give me a hard time about ordering a $1,000 bottle of wine - until I invited them along.'

"I hope you don't mind ordering the free bread and water. My expense account isn't what it used to be."

'I hope I'm not embarrassing you when I say that I found your company's latest earnings report very sexy.'

'Give me the bill, it's a business expense.'

"Terrible. It's just terrible. He's the third accountant I've hired to calculate my per diem."

"Step in here Kimble, I'd like a word with you about your expense account."

'This Investment Portfolio is an extravagant waste of money! Oh hold on... that's my expense account!'

'I hope you don't mind ordering the free bread and water. My expense account isn't what it used to be.'

'It was easy for me to lose weight! They took away my expense account!'

Mom's Diner: You Can Afford the Price of Our Gas

'Drink up, Wilkins, this meal is 'on the firm'...'

'If people are supposed to live within their means, why are there such things as overdrafts?'

Open wide and say "AH @#." Bill.

Accounting makes a 300 million dollar error, yet they always nail me on my expense account.

"Dear, you can't blame everything on the high price of cable..."

"So tell me, did you install gold, silver or platinum water pipes?"