Expense Account Expert Gifts

'What wine goes with enormous expense account?.'

'The boys in accounting used to give me a hard time about ordering a $1,000 bottle of wine - until I invited them along.'

Is this your idea of a joke, Findlay...?

"Your expense account ain't what it used to be. There's not enough money on your card to cover the $5.35."

"Expense account or regular?"

Rare Medical Conditions - The compulsive desire to work out restaurant bills correctly

'Take a letter,'

'Sorry to trouble you , sir , but did you remember to sign my expenses ?'

'I'm on the workaholic's diet. I only eat when I can put it on an expense account.'

'I barely have time to flaunt my expense account.'

'I expect a little padding in the expense account, but yours is a kingsize mattress!'

"About your self employed expenses, do you do anything purely for pleasure?"

"Unfortunately as the law stands at the moment 13 pints and a curry because you had a crap day isn't tax deductible!"

'What wine goes with an enormous expense account?'

'Perkins, what about this trip on your expense account to 'Fantasy Island'?'

'How come you're questioning my petrol bill?'

"I hope you don't mind ordering the free bread and water. My expense account isn't what it used to be."

"What else can I claim on my expense account?"

"Son, can you spare a couple of minutes to talk about your tuition?"

'I want to give two weeks' notice that I'm quitting my job and two months' notice that I'm quitting my expense account.'

'Give me the bill, it's a business expense.'

"Step in here Kimble, I'd like a word with you about your expense account."

"Terrible. It's just terrible. He's the third accountant I've hired to calculate my per diem."

'Now, don't worry about how you're going to pay my bill...let me worry about that.'

'I hope you don't mind ordering the free bread and water. My expense account isn't what it used to be.'

'This Investment Portfolio is an extravagant waste of money! Oh hold on... that's my expense account!'

'It was easy for me to lose weight! They took away my expense account!'

'Drink up, Wilkins, this meal is 'on the firm'...'

IRS. The man who audited Ernie's tax return has a second job as a chef. He's acquired a taste for this duel career. In an audit he likes peeling off the surface to see if the books have been cooked. He slices and dices every ingredient in a tax return. Then he lets you sit and stew before turning up the heat and grilling you. And a tax audit ends like the preparation of a fine dining meal, with the garnishing of wages.

Open wide and say "AH @#." Bill.

'If people are supposed to live within their means, why are there such things as overdrafts?'

Mom's Diner: You Can Afford the Price of Our Gas

'Finally have an expense account and I'm always on a diet.'

"So tell me, did you install gold, silver or platinum water pipes?"

Fees office!