Budget Expert Gifts

My lips move when I read, and my whole body trembles when I read my utility bill.

Mom's Diner: You Can Afford the Price of Our Gas

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"We seem to be spending more on defence than on things to defend"

"Who's got the hammer?"

Where are they now?: Office of Management & Budget - Grumpy.

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'

'You have to reconcile your gross habits with your net income.'

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"You're a fine one to talk about my spending!"

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"You need to justify your own existence first."

'What's the smallest budget you can manage on?' 'The most you can give me!'

Fuel bill gone through the roof

"Your expense account ain't what it used to be. There's not enough money on your card to cover the $5.35."

'We're asking what america can do without to reduce the deficit...no, ma'ma! the Gop and Dems are not options!'

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

Investing your savings

'And this is my strategic money reserve.'

'As the government sees it, the U.S. budget would be fine if more deficit earners like you, Mr. Wald, go on the ball!'

"We may have to rob from the rich AND the poor."

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

'We grow our food, have solar energy, use bikes instead of car...now if we could only stop buying knickknacks!'

"Alright, alright! I'll stop buying the cheap stuff, OK?"

"The good news is that profits are up 76%. . . The BAD news is that costs are up 83%."

'We spend a lot, borrow a lot, tax a lot. It keeps things from getting boring.'

"Unfortunately the first thing they cut was the stationery budget..."

Blowing dust off an order book.

'I couldn't imagine bringing a child into the current fiscal-cliffy world.'

"This guy might like fiddling with numbers, Dad – but is he any good at sums?"

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).

'I cut myself slashing the budget!'

'It's a type of credit card that self destructs when it reaches the limit I've set for you.'