Expectation Analyzer Gifts

"Exceeding customers expectations is made easier when they, generally speaking, expect us to be rubbish!"

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

Confirmation Bias

election polling

"It looked better on pinterest."

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

Psychiatry. My dad doesn't appreciate how hard it is to follow in his footsteps

'Well, what did you expect?'

Room for Error

Job Interview, "This company wants a person who is both ruthless and intelligent but who is also too dumb to want to try for my job."

'I think I may be an adrenaline junkie.'

Yummy Mummy.

'According to a recent issue of 'psychology today', all your fears are well founded.'

'Maybe you just can't have hope and change at the same TIME.'

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

'I'd say my client's position was more agitated than distressed.'

"Run to the store and buy me a tub of ketchup!"

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

"Well, it's official. The American Dream has become the American Daydream."

Why Do We Always Want Something Better For Our Children Than What We Had For Ourselves?

"I'm a wunderkind slash flop."

I'm just sittin ghere updating my resume and recalibrating my expectations.

Nobody keeps his personal life to himself anymore phobia. 'Seems like everone's coming out of the closet!'

"Perhaps you're to blame for having unrealistic expectations."

"I haven't change my New Year's resolutions, just the year I'll do them."

"I got what I wanted, but it wasn't what I expected."

'An oral contract is not worth the paper it's written on.'

"I'm pretty sure I'm a hypochondriac sucking up scarce resources with my imaginary ailments....but I thought I'd come in and get a second opinion."

Couples compare their ambitions for their future children.

"Your great Abuelita Zoraida is coming for a visit! Do you know what that means?"

Ernie tries to learn from his mistakes but it's like filling a teacup with a fire hose.

'I don't believe in my belief system.'

'How come when you vacuum, you don't smile like the women in TV commercials?'