Expectation Evaluator Gifts

"Perhaps you're to blame for having unrealistic expectations."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'We consult those with whom we agree, which is why I rarely consult my conscience.'

"It looked better on pinterest."

"It looked different on the internet."

"It took years of hard work to get my colleagues to expect nothing from me."

"When you say you love your life, should I be happy for you?"

"The idea at 3 am. The idea at 7 am."

"I hate to be a dream snatcher but your baby is going to be just average."

"Hey, bro...it's the least I could do."

"It looked better when I saw it on Instagram."

'Well, what did you expect?'

'We first met here - when I was doing your job.'

The vacation rental agency is saying technically that's a "lap pool," so we can't get our money back.

'I want a bigger piece of the pie.'

Sex Score

"Has it been in your family long?"

"Run to the store and buy me a tub of ketchup!"

'Government performance targets reach unprecedented levels.'

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

'Maybe you just can't have hope and change at the same TIME.'

'And as a new client of our law firm, you get this nifty neck brace to wear in court.'

The Next Big Thing/ The Next Best Thing.

"It's our first anniversary, so I've written up your performance review...."

'Some mentor you turned you turned out to be.'

How would you like to work part-time, Benson?

"I'm sorry but a fat, guzzling wife cannot be classed as a consumable."

'Another stupid ball of string. I was hoping for a tablet."

"Also, that random comment you made three years ago will count against you."

"I didn't go to college, but I took out and am defaulting on school loans to make it look like I did."