Expectation Analyzer Pillows

"Exceeding customers expectations is made easier when they, generally speaking, expect us to be rubbish!"

"I thought there would be bacon here."

'Oh, nothing's wrong -- I just expected Earthlings to be taller, that's all.'

Confirmation Bias

election polling

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

"It looked better on pinterest."

'Well, what did you expect?'

Room for Error

Job Interview, "This company wants a person who is both ruthless and intelligent but who is also too dumb to want to try for my job."

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

'According to a recent issue of 'psychology today', all your fears are well founded.'

'Maybe you just can't have hope and change at the same TIME.'

Yummy Mummy.

'I'd say my client's position was more agitated than distressed.'

"Run to the store and buy me a tub of ketchup!"

"Well, who's it from? I don't take blind submissions."

"Well, it's official. The American Dream has become the American Daydream."

-You seem certain he'll win the second race! -Yes, because he's in the FIRST race!

Why Do We Always Want Something Better For Our Children Than What We Had For Ourselves?

"I'm a wunderkind slash flop."

I'm just sittin ghere updating my resume and recalibrating my expectations.

Nobody keeps his personal life to himself anymore phobia. 'Seems like everone's coming out of the closet!'

"Perhaps you're to blame for having unrealistic expectations."

"I haven't change my New Year's resolutions, just the year I'll do them."

"I got what I wanted, but it wasn't what I expected."

'An oral contract is not worth the paper it's written on.'

Couples compare their ambitions for their future children.

"Your great Abuelita Zoraida is coming for a visit! Do you know what that means?"

'I don't believe in my belief system.'

"I'm pretty sure I'm a hypochondriac sucking up scarce resources with my imaginary ailments....but I thought I'd come in and get a second opinion."

'How come when you vacuum, you don't smile like the women in TV commercials?'

"I cried that one over an accounting error back in 06."