Expectant Humorist Pillows

"Remember- we want her to stand out and fit in."

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

"There's a scheduling conflict - I'd like to move her morning sickness up to the afternoon."

"It's OK, honey — remember, you're resenting for two now."

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

'We want to thank you, Doc...The bag worked!'

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'That's the most extreme linear nigra I've ever seen!!'

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'I sentence you to hard labor.'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

"Oh, oh!!"

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'