Expectant Comedian Pillows

'Don't worry chum,I'm only here for the milk bill!'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

"Funny how they often look like little old men

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

"Oh, oh!!"

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

'I sentence you to hard labor.'

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'