Expectant Humorists Pillows

'I encourage natural childbirth - gently coaxing the baby into the world. If that fails, I go with brute force and intimidation.'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

'The hunger pains are only one T.V. commercial apart.'

"Oh, oh!!"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"Six down, three to go!!"

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

'Looks like Tungor's wife's waters have broken.'

'The ultrasound went well: Now, we just need to agree on 1263 baby names...'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'

Pregnant Juliets nurse using police code to threaten Romeo

'Are you sure it's not out of your way?'

Big book of daft names for kids.

'Believe me honey - YOU don't need to do the pelvic floor!!'

Easy birth ATM

"Your baby should be arriving on this date. I just emailed you the tracking number."

"No it isn't great news- how would you like to be pregnant for seventeen years?"