Expectant Humorists Pillows

'I encourage natural childbirth - gently coaxing the baby into the world. If that fails, I go with brute force and intimidation.'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

'The hunger pains are only one T.V. commercial apart.'

"Oh, oh!!"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

"Six down, three to go!!"

You and your alternative pregnancy.

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'The ultrasound went well: Now, we just need to agree on 1263 baby names...'

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

Lamaze. I'm sorry, no, we' don't offer any "Gifted Fetus" programs.

The future Muhammad Ali about to be conceived.

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

'Looks like Tungor's wife's waters have broken.'

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'

'No, there's only one baby Mrs Kong, but it looks like a very big one!'

"That was the vet - the cat's pregnant, not me."

'Are you sure it's not out of your way?'

Pregnant Juliets nurse using police code to threaten Romeo

Big book of daft names for kids.

'Believe me honey - YOU don't need to do the pelvic floor!!'