Expectant Comedian Gifts

'Don't worry chum,I'm only here for the milk bill!'

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

Oh, sorry, it's in airplane mode.""

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Break Water'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

Caution: False Contractions Ahead

"Funny how they often look like little old men

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

The Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Could I examine your cervix?'

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

The Last Few Weeks of Pregnancy.

The baby's really been moving round today.

The future Muhammad Ali about to be conceived.

'I sentence you to hard labor.'

"It's a birthing position, Dan. Quit yelling 'Hike.'"

"Oh, oh!!"

'Two more months!...who's delivering this baby...the post office?'