Existential Comedians Gifts

The end of the world is at hand: '10... 9... 8... 7...'

"What is this endless series of meaningless experiences trying to teach me?"

'You're a sight for sore eyes.'

"Chuck, you were a model human throughout your life. I invite you to return to Earth as anything you please."

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"Some mid-life crisis that turned out to be."

'The stage hypnotist was great, he regressed Jeff to a previous life, and discovered that he was a layabout then, too.'

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

Angel doing the hula hoop.

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

"Of course I care about the environment, I never throw any clothes away."

'I believe there's an unseen hand behind everything we do.'

Lab studies suggest that a human growth pill is just around the corner.

Welcome to ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? Theatre

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

"When was your last meta-physical?"

"So, tell me what happened after this Schrodinger put you in this box..."

"If, indeed, there is a reason for all this, than that's so much worse."

'We just received a radio signal from Tau-Upsilon that was utter drivel. Do you suppose it was one of their TV shows?'

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

"I've done a lot of soul searching, and I've come to the conclusion that I should be thinking less about money and more about naked women."

"I thought the snow would never start"

"I'm sorry, Mister Mulligan is dead. . . would you care to wait?"

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

Last Real Tough-Minded Thinking for 200 Miles

'Existential truckstop'

"Oh, look—here's the one from last night!"

igloo smoking zone...

Fencing Venn Graph

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

'Death in the 'life' section of library'

"Do you think he'll bring treats?"

Spiro & Pusho meet an alien.

Wolf clinging on to a speeding space rocket