Executive Stress Humor Fan Gifts

"I'm under stress, Miss Gibson. Come in and bite my nails."

Please sit down. I can give you five minutes.

Water company bonus.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

'Not exactly what I meant by job creation.'

'Our strategy is perfect! This is the customers' fault - they don't think the way WE do!'

'Enter His Royal Globalness...'

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

'No hostile takeover bids beyond this point.'

'Can you remember where you were when you first realized you were full of crap?'

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".

"We're making progress."

'Ah, Reeves - it's lonely on top!'

"My company's board members all told me the vision statement I wrote is really blurry."

I Have A Closed Mind.

"Not bad! ...For a duck."

"I'm sorry about your divorce, but you can't nest in the storeroom."

Security Alert in the Paperless Office. . . .

'Surround our project with lots of useless extras so our critics have something to pick at while we ram our proposals through.'

'Last week I offered to bring Bixby into the decision-making process, and he's still dithering about it!'

"A fellow human being to see Mr. Driscoll."

"Catherine, Is there anything I need to be thinking about?"

"Mr. Kendall would like to see one of those flashes of oddball humor."

"Gentlemen, when I consider the mess we've made of this company, I can only commend our foresight in not investing any of our own money in it."

"Bob takes too long to make a decision. Let's ask Phil."

"They say you can't cheat an honest man. I say 'Bull'!"

'The company has got a long term strategy. Let our successors in a few years clean up the mess we bring about today.'

'I thought you were ousted as CEO.' 'I was. But with my golden parachute I bought the company. I'm Baaack!'

'Sorry to be the one to tell you, Skidmore, but that 10 million dollar bonus we paid you last month was a computer error. We'll expect you back at work on the loading dock early monday morning.'

'I need to snoop around, ask questions, get in touch with my feminine side.'

'Apparently Genwetronix merged with BioSolutions, and neither chairman wanted to leave.'

C.E.O. wearing t-shirt emblazoned with 'I love obscene salaries'.

"These are of all my affiliates."

'You're nobody until somebody loathes you.'