Executive Dining Connoisseur T-Shirts

'One businessman's lunch-on-the-rocks and one businessman's special straight-up.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Must everything with you be a landmark decision?"

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"In our house the four major food groups are Bordeaux, Merlot, Chardonnay and Champagne."

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"Room for dessert, folks?"

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"How's the salmon?"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

this bordeaux speaks for itself

"This deserves an Instagram photo. Would you mind taking a picture of someone washing the dishes when I'm done?"

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

"...and the asparagus this evening is delightful. It's been simmering all day in the tears of the poor."

"Quick swig first?"

"Who ordered the moose en croute?"

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"I think I'll have the fish. No, wait... yes, the fish." "So many choices... what is a Reuben? Never mind, I'll have the fish, too." "I always get the same thing, but it's so good. Alright, I'll have the fish."

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'

"Perhaps Monsieur would care for something more expensive?"

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'What wine goes with enormous expense account?.'

'Heads it's mortgage payment, tails it's 1st growth Bordeaux.'

'That's a very popular choice sir, and that's why we've sold out of it.'

'Are you ready to be patronised yet?'